Why It Is So Important That You Find Out The Truth
When a cheater tries to force you to mistrust your own gut instincts, it is called gas lighting. Gas lighting is not only lousy for your self-esteem, but it can also keep you in a state of denial. Sometimes, your own instincts are so damaged by lies, secrets and defensive accusations that it may be necessary rely on a private detective or a portable lie detector to find out the truth. Before you take drastic steps, take a look for these following signs that a spouse might cheating.
1. IT JUST DOESN'T FEEL RIGHT.
"My partner kept saying how much he loved me, but avoided touching me physically for months!"
You start wondering if he or she might be having an affair. Is it jealousy, your imagination or is he or she just paying less attention to you because there are other problems in the relationship? If your partner won't discuss issues with you, particularly if there is a lack of sexual intimacy, then you might have a cheater on your hands.
2. A SUDDEN CHANGE IN ROUTINE.
"He used to call me whenever he was going to work late, but now I have no idea whether or not he will be home at all! When I ask for an explanation, he loses his temper."
Is he or she staying out a lot later than usual, not showing up for dinner or unable to account for his or her whereabouts? Does your spouse react with rage and accuse you of being the Spanish Inquisition if you ask him or her to account for missing time? Changes of routine can indicate infidelity.
3. HE OR SHE IS MORE ATTENTIVE THAN USUAL.
"He tells me he is rewarding me with presents just for existing, but I would rather he were home more often."
If you are suddenly showered with gifts and compliments for no reason, then your spouse might be trying to make up for guilty feelings.
4. HE OR SHE CONSTANTLY PICKS FIGHTS WITH YOU.
"I know a fight is coming because she tries to rub salt on old wounds by reminding me of a time I was in the wrong. I get so frustrated I end up yelling and she slams out of the house."
In this case, the cheating spouse is looking for a reason to blame you for his or her need to leave. The emotional logic behind this is that picking a fight gives the cheating spouse an excuse to fly out of the house and possibly into the arms of the third party. That way the cheating partner can deny guilty feelings and blame you instead. If you are not to blame, a cheater will always create a reason to justify what he or she is doing to you.
5. YOUR MATE IS FREQUENTLY SARCASTIC OR CRITICAL OF YOU.
"He is always calling me stupid, and when I cry, he tells me I am pathetic and leaves."
This is part of an agenda that, once again, gives the cheating spouse an excuse to leave or a justification for the affair. The guilty partner might also be overly sensitive to criticism from you, as there may be a ring of truth that triggers guilty feelings that they would rather not face.
6. YOUR PARTNER USES ENDING THE RELATIONSHIP AS AN ULTIMATUM.
"It is always her way or the highway. If I don't agree to every little thing, then she threatens to leave me."
If your partner threatens you with ending the relationship every time you have a fight, you might have a cheater on your hands. A cheating spouse feels safe giving these ultimatums, because there is another person as backup should the two of you decide to split up.
7. YOUR PARTNER IS CONSISTENTLY NEGATIVE.
"I don't like the way my wife keeps telling me that we will always be friends even after this ends. This makes me think - why is she envisioning a future without me?"
Another sign of cheating is a consistently negative attitude towards the relationship and comments that make you feel as if you have an expiry date inked on your forehead. This might include saying such things as, "I would like to travel next year," (with no mention of a "we") or, "You know I will always love you, even when this ends."
8. YOUR LOVER IS EMOTIONAL OR DEPRESSED.
"All I have to do is ask a simple, polite question and he starts yelling at me to get off his back!"
It could be that he or she is brooding about what he or she has done and can't handle the guilt. Sudden explosive displays of affection or anger can also be a bad sign, as the partner might be
transferring emotional reactions from the outlaw relationship onto you simply because you see each other more often. In other words, you may be the recipient of a mood that is not due to any of your actions at all, but because the third party provoked a fight!
9. YOUR MATE BECOMES MORE PRIVATE.
"She has always undressed in front of me, but now she wraps herself up in her robe like she is afraid I will catch her in the nude."
Cheaters psychologically distance themselves in such subtle ways as locking the bathroom door when he or she has always left it open, doing their own laundry or keeping locked drawers. If he or she seems extra finicky about personal boundaries or seems to be trying to set new rules about privacy, this is also a warning sign.
10. YOUR MATE'S PERSONAL STYLE CHANGES.
"For years, the two of us watched the Rocky Horror Picture Show together and now he is poo pooing that and saying he was not that into it, just humoring me."
Dating experts say that if your partner's taste in clothing, movies or music suddenly changes, than he or she may be trying please a new lover.
11. YOUR SPOUSE NO LONGER ACTS LIKE PART OF YOUR LIFE.
"I really want to have kids and buy a house soon, but every time I bring up our future she shrugs it off and changes the subject."
Perhaps the biggest indication that you might be dealing with a cheater is if they stop acting as if they are a part of your life. They may lose complete interest in family, friends or following through on mutual financial goals or plans for the future. Your mate also might be reluctant to go out of town or on vacation, as the time away might cause a crisis in his or her other relationship. You need to find out the truth because you are wasting all of your financial, physical and material energies into building a future with someone who may not be planning to build a future with you.
If you do discover your partner is cheating your relationship will also probably go through three phases. The first is the reaction to the affair, the second is the decision as to what to do about it, and the last is a recuperation phase (whether or not you decide to stick it out with your partner in the end). If your partner is willing to be part of the decision and recuperation phases, it is highly recommended that you seek marriage or relationship counseling to deal with the fall-out from the infidelity. No matter how you find out the truth, whether it be through the use of a private detective, a portable lie detector or catching the perpetrator in the act, knowing it is better than being afraid of it. Remember that the truth may hurt but it will also set you free.
Want to Know More Ways To Find Out The Truth?
Make sure that you don't leave anything to chance. Get How To Catch A Cheating Spouse and learn every last detail on what it takes to catch your cheating spouse red-handed. If you're ready to discover the truth, click here to order. I look forward to helping you lay your fears to rest and get on with the rest of your life.
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